Here we go...

Okay readers, it's time to start new...

I have been so distraught over everything and am so tired of having my heartbroken. So I have decided. It's time to make some changes. The first thing is my car...I have decided that enough is enough. I have put so much money into it. When I bought the car, I had every intent of it being a "mommy mobile". I planned on packing my kids in it, driving them to daycare and then taking it camping. Low and behold, here I am 7 years later, there's no ring on my finger, no kids in the womb and the car's in the shop. I took it out of the shop a week ago and a week later I return it to the shop. I have invested more money in it then it is worth...
So tomorrow, I'm car shopping. I have an idea of what I want and I am SO excited. Because it's now about me and what I want. I don't see a hubby or kids in my future, so I'm doing it.
It's time to make changes in the way I feel. I'm tired of being depressed. I'm tired of trying to please people. Especially one specific person. I'm in a lose, lose situation with him and I just wonder, what part of me wasn't enough???

Thank you, Tree Hill.....

One of my all time favorite shows use to be "One Tree Hill". If you have no clue what I'm talking about, it's a simple show on WB that once revolved around the life of high schools, Lucas, Peyton, Brooke, Nathan, Haley, Skills and Mouth. I found my Monday nights rushing home to watch this show, mainly because my high school was nothing like Tree Hill High and I loved the drama that the show portrayed. Although, I am now not nearly a fan as I once was. As I grew up, so did the Tree Hill clan. Come later years when Lucas loves Peyton, Peyton can't marry Lucas, Lucas loves Lindsey, now Peyton wants Lucas, Lucas wants them both, see what I mean??
This past weekend I was recalling an episode that for some reason is always in my mind. It's an episode where Peyton realizes that Lucas isn't going to leave Lindsey for her and so she realizes she has to let him go. She finds Lucas and she tells him, "The most perfect act of love is sacrifice.....I love you Lucas and have since the first moment we locked eyes and it's gonna suck, but if what you want is for me to let go, then I'm gonna do it. Be happy Luke. I want that with all my heart"
Thank you One Tree Hill and Peyton Sawyer for your words of truth.
It sucks having to let him go and letting him be happy with someone else. And although we're not going to have the dramatic moment of him leaving her for me, like Lucas did for Peyton, yes, they end up together, I know that he's happy and that I'll never be able to share it with him sucks, but I'm willing to let my emotions go and let him go so that he can be happy.
I loved him in high school, how ironic, and now we're adults and there isn't a chance it'll happen. I have to let him go, because I love him and well, the most perfect act of love, is sacrifice...

It's a Beautiful day in the neighborhood....

a beautiful day in the neighborhood, could you be mine, would you be mine, won't you be my neighbor?

This theme song reminds me of a simple time. A time where my Saturday's consisted of sleeping in, Captain Crunch cereal, Mr. Rogers Neighborhood and Captain Kangaroo. My summer full of family vacations and making mud pies. A time when my brother and I would lay in bed and read for hours.
I've been reflecting a lot on my childhood, maybe it's because I'm a Children's Pastor or because I am remembering how young I was and had so many ambitions in life and thought the world of everyone I met.
But I'm not a child anymore and I have been so disappointed in people. I do my best to think the most of everyone, but there are times now as an adult that the wool has got to come off and I have to see people for who they really are. People are going to disappoint each other, but at what point can we just "grow up" and move past it all??
We're not kids anymore, we're not in high school anymore. We're adults. It's time to mature and stop hurting each other and degrading each other to make ourselves feel better. What's done is done. No going back. The past can't be rewritten, you get the life you're given, some pages turned, some bridges burned, lessons learned. (Thank you, Carrie Underwood) So readers, it is time to take my own advice.....